Miffed

God and I got into a bit of a tiff.

You see, he decided that my boyfriend needed to be in Estonia doing mission work instead of in the States, which is great for boy, but not so great for me. He will be living there permanently, and so it was decided that we should break up–an inter-continental relationship just didn’t seem like a good idea.

If it had been any other reason, I could say, “it happens. People grow apart.” Mission work, though, is definitely from God. So I was a bit frustrated.

Eventually, though, I realized something:  I would make an awful minister’s wife. I am an extreme introvert with a slight attitude. I hate being the center of attention, and that is exactly what I would have to be with him. He loves individuals, but people wear him out. He needs someone  to be extroverted when he cannot. I can’t do that.

All in all, it was a civil breakup. We’re still friends, and we still care for each other. There is just no way that we can be more than friends.

I still have no idea what I am supposed to do with my life, which is frustrating for me. He goes off with a great purpose and leaves me here, floundering and useless. In a few months, I will graduate with my BA in Literature. I still haven’t picked a career yet, not have I chosen a city in which to live. I have no direction, no purpose.

All this led to the tiff. I think I’ve accepted everything now, though I still have no plans for the future. I’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

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